Difficulty to Orgasm – Men
Question: You always hear about females having problems, but that is not my case. In the two years that my boyfriend and I have been together, he has yet to orgasm! Not once! The issue is not my skill or interest, and he is an excellent lover. He is a healthy 33 year-old taking no drugs and little alcohol. He occasionally has difficulty maintaining an erection, but overall is doing well. I have tried getting him to see a doctor. Although he promises to go, he has not yet seen a professional regarding this increasingly difficult problem. He says he’s embarrassed and afraid of what he’ll hear.
All of this is incredible to me, since he is intelligent and open minded. He denies having had any trauma in a past relationship. I’ve searched for answers but have found NOTHING about failure to orgasm Is it THAT rare ???. My boyfriend is thrilled that he keeps his woman satisfied, but he doesn’t seem to give importance to my own frustration that I can’t pleasure him. If this is the way things have to be, then so be it, but I hate to think that there may be a remedy and he’s too proud and stubborn to attempt it.
Answer: While difficulty reaching orgasm is found in nearly 25% of all women, it is much less common in men. It is estimated that less than 5% of men have difficulty reaching orgasm and some may not have an orgasm at all. Although it is much harder for a man than a woman to “fake it”, most men are incredibly shy and secretive about this problem. Inhibited orgasm may result in a lack of sexual fulfillment for both the man and his partner. These negative effects can be compounded when the couple is attempting to get pregnant. There are many medical causes that can cause delayed or absent orgasm. These include surgeries in the abdomen or on the spinal cord, but even common problems such as diabetes can cause this disturbing problem. The most common prescription drugs that prolong or disturb orgasms are certain types of antidepressants such as Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac. By far and away the most common substance that delays orgasm is liquor. But, in a normal person with no neurologic problems and who takes no medications, the cause of orgasm difficulties is almost always psychogenic. In a recent medical article published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine the authors conclude that men with orgasm problems expressed lower relationship satisfaction than normal men. Not surprisingly, these men with inhibited orgasm also had higher levels of “fear of failure” when they were in sexual situations. My best recommendation is for a man with orgasmic difficulties to see his physician to check out basic health issues. After that, the next stop should be to see a sexual health counselor to better understand if there is an underlying personal or relationship issue that may be creating a blockage in the normal flow of emotions, feelings and sexual sensations that should typically culminate in orgasm.