Don’t be afraid to shake things up
Submitted by: Marc Gittelman
Submitted on: April 11, 2006
Q: My husband and I have been married for more than 10 years and he is always asking me to try new things in our love life. I think our sex life is just fine the way that it is. Is there something wrong with me or something wrong with him?
A: Good lovemaking is a two-way street and ideally it ends with each partner feeling physically whole, sexually complete and emotionally satisfied when they collapse after making love. But the medical studies show that men and women approach their sexuality from different angles. Scientific studies have shown that compared with women, men report more sexual fantasies and thoughts and experience more spontaneous sexual desire. Men also show a greater preference for sexual variety and novelty than do their female partners. Keep in mind that these are very simplified overgeneralizations and there are many relationships in which the female partner has the higher libido and may drive the desire to experience new types of sexual experiences.
My recommendations is to harness this sexual energy and drive for novelty by playing a little game that should be fun for both partners. Make a date for your favorite restaurant, wear sexy clothing and make sure you feel sexy. After ordering your favorite martini or bottle of wine, bring out a pen and five index cards for each of you. When the mood feels exciting and seductive, write down your top five fantasies in a fun and very detailed fashion. Spend the rest of the evening verbally discussing some of the secret sensual and sexual desires that you never had the opportunity to explore. Commit to playing out at least one of the fantasies for each one of you that evening or by that weekend. This exercise takes honesty and confidence in your lover. The most extraordinary part of this fun exercise is that it is likely to push not only the boundaries of your physical intimacy but also the boundaries of your emotional closeness.