Machismo, romance and passage of time
Submitted by: Marc C Gittelman, M.D.
Submitted on: August 1, 2006
Q: My partner is 42 and always worried about his sexual performance. He thinks he is slipping, but I am constantly reinforcing his confidence that I love him no matter what. Is his concern normal or is he obsessing over the changes that are expected from Mother Nature?
A: You may be surprised that despite all the machismo that surrounds most men’s sexual stories, a survey of more than 500 men with sexual health concerns reveals that their main priority lies with their partner’s level of satisfaction. More than 70 percent of men in the study indicated that they want the sexual experience to be as enjoyable for their partner as it was when they were more youthful and energetic. Similar to your partner’s concern, nearly 90 percent of men want to be confident in their ability to achieve an erection when the moment is right. Eight of 10 men do not want to plan their sexual encounters, and about 90 percent of men said that they don’t like feeling pressured when engaging in sexual activity.
The survey indicated that despite the veneer of most men’s machismo they ultimately want a romantic relationship with their partner. All of this is very reassuring in a world where the emphasis appears to be on pharmacologic products that allow improvement in scientific endpoints such as maintaining a firm erection.
If your partner has normal sexual function, he may need nothing more than simple positive reinforcement from his lover (you) that he is an excellent and capable lover. But if he really is faltering, even at his young age, there are some effective treatments that can help him to improve his sexual performance, but he’ll need to visit his physician. This will increase sexual spontaneity and encourage the couple’s customary sexual lifestyle. Ultimately, it will allow more time for romance and intimacy, which is just as important for bonding as the lovemaking is.