Planned romance helps revitalize sexuality
Submitted by: Marc C. Gittelman, M.D.
Submitted on: December 6, 2005
Q: How can I revitalize the sexuality in our relationship?
A: First we need to get men and women on the same page sexually. The mind-set of men and women comes from opposite poles. A well respected study on sexually in the 1990′s at the University of Chicago helped to illustrate some of the differences. Researchers found that 54 percent of men say they they think about sex every day or several times a day, and by contrast, 67 percent of women say they think about sex only a few times a week or a few times a month. The data seem to show that men are interested in SEX, while women want ROMANCE and LOVE. The study of Americans found that 79 percent of women enjoy the caressing and hugging involved in foreplay far more than sex itself. The contrary was true for men: 83 percent of men see foreplay as nothing but the prelude to sex.
But whether you are a man or a woman, your ultimate goal should be to use your improved sexuality to improve your appreciation or each other from a physical, psychological and emotional perspective.
Begin your quest to improve your sexuality by reviving emotional components of your relationship. Look at each other from a perspective that you has when you were first dating. You can recreate some of the thrill and excitement that you experienced so vividly early in your physical and emotional relationship. Plan to do fun and interesting things together such as a romantic vacation or a surprise dinner of caviar and champagne. While spontaneity is welcomed, the most effective way to integrate romance into your life is to have a planned date. This is a commitment to a time together on a weekly (more or less) basis to really “be together” and to listen to each other and to re-energize. Planned romance can, and should be, a part of these dates. Listen to the likes and dislikes of your partner — in and out of the bedroom.
Ultimately sexual satisfaction is a combination of the interaction of the mind and body. The most important “pearl” you can take away from today’s column is the following: How you make love reflects the intimacy of your relationship. If you are determined to revitalize your sex life, then the first step is to make a commitment to improve the intimacy of your relationship.