Revealing fantasies increases intimacy
Submitted by Marc C. Gittelman, M.D.
Submitted on December 19, 2000
Q: I’ve been married for nearly eight years and there are so many of my sexual fantasies that I am reluctant to share with my husband. I’m scared that he will find them silly or too romantic, and I really want him to be much more open with me with the sexual thoughts he has dreamed as well. What should I do to let him know how I feel?
A: Many couples can debate politics, laugh together and enjoy romantic moments. But sharing your most inner thoughts of sexuality can dramatically increase your intimacy.
It’s surprising to learn how many couples have a great deal of difficulty being sexually honest with each other. The average person has a hard time initiating discussions that will lead to a real exploration of their true sexual desires. Sometimes a person’s fantasies can be very vague, such as travel to an exotic destination; other times it may be very specific, such as making love in the bathroom, or on the beach, or in front of a mirror just after a workout.
You may have images of 100 sexual positions that seem as exciting as they are acrobatic. Consider being as open minded as possible to your partners suggestions. Remember that it may be very difficult for him to share some of these fantasies that he may have dreamed of for years. Your receptivity to his ideas will promote his comfort level in communicating his sexuality.
Sexual health studies have revealed that being open to your partner’s fantasies is helpful to achieving mutually satisfying sex life. One fun and easy exercise to start the conversation is to go to the most romantic hot spot you can think of. After enjoying the perfect martini (shaken, not stirred), find your way to a private beach under a full moon. Then, share the moment by revealing your fantasies to your partner. Feel free to embellish on the scenario with as much detail as needed to thoroughly paint a picture that will make your lover blush and entice him to begin acting out your fantasy with a sense of passion and romance that will leave you wanting to know his next fantasy.